So all the little kiddies went back to school yesterday. And I have to say, I’m jealous. Back to school, despite groans about homework and seriously hateful Chemistry teachers, kicks off my favorite time of year. It’s the beginning of fall, even though we’re still courting 100* weather in the Lone Star State. (Side note: Starbucks released the PSL early this year (yesterday) and I cannot drink one until there’s a hint of crispness in the air. It’s just wrong.) There was just always something so fresh in the start of a new school year. New teachers, new classes, new friends, new beginnings. An opportunity to start fresh and to shine.

I miss that. I want that, now, when every day is achingly the same, and more often than not, I feel trapped in the guilt cycle because there are things that I want to change, but I haven’t managed to get off my butt and change them.

So maybe I should treat this season like my back-to-school. I have my new planner coming in soon, eventually, please, and I’ll be just like myself in my school days. I hope to be more organized, more creative, and less stressed. I’m going to try to treat myself like it’s a new school year too. It takes time to learn. I’m very hard on myself (who, me?), and I tend to get frustrated when I don’t get immediate results and smashing success, because, honestly, a lot of things do come very easily to me.

My mom can tell you countless stories about this subject, but mostly, I think, it was because the first few years of school, I either already knew something, or easily absorbed the knowledge with minimal instruction. That has stayed with me, I think. Even though there are some things I know I’ll have to work harder to achieve or learn, when I find myself not immediately being a shining star, I get angry and frustrated with myself. I know how crazy that sounds. I get mad at myself for not knowing everything. Welcome to my brain.

But. But. I hope to change that. To work on it. Yes, self, to learn something new instead. Learn something challenging that doesn’t come easy to me. What do you mean I should extend grace to myself? Remember our Colossians verse about forgiveness? And how we should extend the same forgiveness to ourselves? No? Me neither. So I made this graphic because it’s better, in my opinion:

colossians

And that’s kind of what I want to concentrate on while I create this false new school year for myself. I want to continue to learn, and grow, and change, and work on becoming the woman I was made to be. I know it won’t be easy, but I have Jesus and coffee and the Hubbit and my girlfriends and cheese, so what more could I need?

Y’all have a great day. Let me know if you’re feeling any sort of residual back-to-school inspiration or dread. Maybe I’m alone in this, but something tells me I’m not.

 

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